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Karen Locke, MA

Meeting Life's Challenges Through Working With Your Parts

Easing the pain, increasing the joy, making all your moments easier and more enjoyable

6 Lies Society Tells Us- About Us

9/2/2017

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Lie 1.:
You are bad if you think, or feel, or act in certain ways.
Truth:
You are good, but parts of you have experienced trauma and need help to stop thinking or feeling or acting in those ways.  

Lie 2.
The past is gone.  It’s impossible to heal old traumas, so just ignore them and move on.
Truth:
The traumas and difficulties in our past live on inside us, stuck in those hurtful situations.  But the injured parts can be  safely witnessed and healed through modern techniques such as Inner Family Systems work.

Lie 3. :
Only things we can see (behaviors) are important, and we can just decide to change and make it happen.
Truth:
The inner world of inner protectors, young parts, and inner wisdom cause many of our current behaviors. They need to be understood and worked with to affect change in the world.

Lie 4. :
Our physical conditions  can only be affected by physical interventions (drugs, surgery).
Truth:
Inner parts of us affect our bodies , and healing them can help change painful or diseased conditions.

Lie 5:
People get what they deserve
Truth:
Since we are all good, but have hurt parts, any problems or diseases are NOT what we deserve.  They come from natural events, or ignorance, or feelings from inner wounds  taken out on us.  

Lie 6:
The “experts” or technology will save us.
Truth:
Since we are externalizing our inner wounds, salvation can only be found in healing those wounds.  “Experts” are as wounded as the rest of us, but sometimes use rationality and numbers to convince us otherwise.  

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Centered Living in Turbulent Times

7/1/2017

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This morning I woke up thinking “If our president has emotional problems, what are we doing making fun of him?”  I’m a Special Education teacher.  I ALWAYS stick up for the person with a disability.  So what’s going on this time?  Why am I watching and laughing at the “schtick” that’s happening right now?
 
Part of my own answer is that parts of me feel angry and powerless.  It seems like this person has all the power, and he’s using it against others.  So while he may have problems, he’s also beating up on other people with problems- often even more severe ones than he has.  And I’m also always for the underdog, so if that battle happens, I’m for the “little guy”.
 
In Inner Family Systems work we learn that even though it might feel like parts of us are bad, if we look underneath we find out they are hurt child parts, trying to protect us from something in our past.  So I wonder- what have women in his life done to Mr. Trump to make him feel a need to attack them?  Did he experience love and connection with people even if he wasn’t “great and amazing”?  What happened to him that made  reality scary to face, so he needs to plaster over it with fake Time magazine covers? I realize this is vastly oversimplified, but if I want to cut his influence down to size I should also be generous in my willingness to try to understand.  
 
In IFS we also learn that we can’t allow those wounded parts of ourselves to take over or monopolize our energy or our time.  So while I can try to understand and soften my heart to Mr. Trump, I also need to take steps  take care of myself, others and the world.  For me this involves contemplation, writing and acting.  First I need to get in touch with the wisest, deepest parts of myself so I’m not spinning along with the news cycle.  I then write- the blog, facebook posts, maybe even a book- so I can share ideas with others and we can build things together.  And I need to take action in the world.   I regularly meet online with someone in Iran who needs some assistance in coping with her circumstances, as well as hosting a free online support group for people from around the US  trying to live lives that are Self-led.  Some newer things for me are  writing my congressperson as well as participating in groups like Transition Towns or Inner Family Systems trainings, where people are trying to help the world shift into a more positive, whole place.
 
The recent NRA ad sounded to me like a call for civil war.  This brought to my attention the immediacy of the need for alternatives- ones that aren’t based on the current red/blue, liberal/conservative system.  We are acting like little kids who have no understanding of empathy, or woundedness, or human needs of the “other side”.  I won’t contribute to that any more.  Everyone deserves to be considered and understood.
 
My intentions to assist in shifting my/our perceptions are:
-centering at least 1x per day, and including Mr. Trump in my daily sending of positive energy
-reducing my viewing of humorous stories at his expense
-making at least 1 action per week to contribute to the political system in a new, positive way
-making at least 1 action per week to learn about or participate in new ways of being such as Transition Towns
 
I want to know about you- what is helping you be more centered and take positive actions at this time?  What are differences or similarities with mine?   I’m anxious to learn how together we can take positive steps to help ourselves, each other, and the world.
 
Thanks!
Karen Locke

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Our Emotional Issues are Showing

1/5/2017

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Like many other people, I’ve spent a lot of time mulling over the condition of society, especially the results of the recent election.  There are obviously many different ways to look at what the election results “mean”.  Here is one possible interpretation, based on my training in Inner Family Systems theory.    See if it resonates with you.  

In Inner Family Systems (IFS) we believe that much of our lives are handled by inner “managers”- parts of us that try to control our lives so we aren’t traumatized as we were when we were kids.  Therefore, some of us try to be perfect, some try to please others, and others rebel- all so that our inner wounds aren’t jostled or otherwise reminded of sadness, fear, or anger from the past.  These manager parts may  blind us to the “real world” sometimes, because there are scary, sad, and frightening things happening out there.  And these parts know that those things would upset our equilibrium (fragile though it may be at times).  

There is another group of inner parts called “firefighters”- so called because they put out the fire of overwhelming emotion once it is ignited.   These parts are our addictions and distractors, not really caring about the future, just trying to get us through the present moment without being overwhelmed  by emotion. When people say “he seemed like a different person”, they are often talking about a firefighter part.  These can be rageful, or sneaky, or manipulative.  They cause us to do seemingly crazy things- binge on food or games, take drugs or drink (even when we know that will be harmful in the long run), even turn violent against ourselves or others.  These parts don’t care about the future, only relieving present pain.

Both of these groups are trying to protect parts called “exiles”.  These are the injured parts of ourselves, the ones that simply couldn’t bear to be embarrassed, or insulted, or moved to tears.  When we say things like “suddenly I felt like I was 5 years old” or “ I felt like I was being taken to the principal’s office”, we have gotten in touch with an inner exile.

In some ways the recent election pitted managers against firefighters.  .  The logical, rational people and institutions, the ones that sometimes (or often) ignore the pain of society, were pitted against the wild, live-in-the-moment people and institutions  that were hurting so badly that they threw caution to the winds.  The firefighters won- which, as any addict or compulsive person knows, can produce much pain in the aftermath.  

So, it seems that society needs therapy.  We need to find ways to face, witness and release old burdens that are keeping us tied to the past and not conscious about our current needs and feelings.  We need to figure out how to get our “parts” working together- look underneath the managers to the true history and pain, calm the firefighters enough to begin the healing process,  put different parts of society in touch with each other and out of the echo chambers they are operating within.  And we need to heal the exiles, to lift their burdens bring into the present all the old issues that are still festering and hurting us from the past.  

Fortunately, inside of each of us (and society as a whole), there is a core Self.  From this Self we can listen to the parts without being overwhelmed, take compassionate action, and even heal old wounds.  This has been found to be true with everyone from abusers to victims, from addicts to leaders in business and industry,  from arguing couples to warring factions like Jews and Palestinians in the Middle East.  All of us have this core Self, which we can find when we listen to the inner parts with compassion and curiosity.  A key question in unblending from parts and stepping into Self energy is:  “How do I feel toward this part?”  If we are in Self we will feel something from this list:  clarity, compassion, courage, confidence, curiosity, creativity, calmness and connectedness.  .  

We can each take a first step toward healing, for ourselves and for society as a whole.  The principles are simple but not easy.

  1. Learn about and take care of our own inner systems.  The Center for Self Leadership https://www.selfleadership.org/   ,  and Personal Growth Programs: IFS Therapy http://personal-growth-programs.com/ are two organizations that  have books, articles, classes, and therapists/practitioners that can help.  I will also soon be doing classes and webinars and can be reached through my website, www.emotionalhealingcoach.org
  2. Learn to center ourselves so that when we interact with others we have a better chance of being in Self rather than living from our manager/firefighter/exile parts
  3. Learn about other people we wouldn’t have thought to interact with.  There are many shows, books, articles, groups and websites where we can begin to reach out and learn about the lives our inner managers didn’t want us to know about.  As we do inner healing we will be better able to hear and deal with the pain out in the world.  
  4. Share what we have learned with others so we can begin to put society back together in a healthier, more humane way.
  5. Find, study about, and follow Self-led people.  My personal favorite is Dick Schwartz, the person who originated Inner Family Systems.  But wherever we find people who can stay centered and give advice that seems true and right, those are people to emulate and learn from.
  6. Remember that when we see insane-sounding proclamations, or threatening posts, or even crazy legislation, it is usually coming from protectors or firefighters of people who are scared, sad or angry.  We can remain Self-led and help lead all of us out of this wilderness we are in.  We can lead each other.  


Karen Locke
Emotionalhealingcoach.org
wsdmnature@gmail.com ​
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Softening Our Hearts Without Weakening Our Will

12/27/2016

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I’ve become uncomfortable with the level of vitriol against Donald Trump and his followers.  I have enjoyed some of it, cringed at some.  So I looked inside to find out what I truly thought and felt, and what I might do about that.

I realized that I have some very scared parts- scared for myself and others, scared that the environment, minorities, and women will be preyed upon by unscrupulous people.  Scared that my country is being taken over by people who seem to believe the exact opposite of what I believe.  Scared that I shouldn’t be just sitting around and letting them do it- that somehow I should be trying again and again to stop it.  These are the parts that tend to just turn off the radio or tv whenever the words “President-Elect Trump” come on.  These parts want to hide until it’s safe, whenever that will be.
 

I also have parts that feel helpless.  What can one person (me) do against so many, many people and organizations and belief systems?  These are the parts that enjoy the name-calling, lack of celebrities for the inauguration, and blasting of Trump and his supporters from all kinds of thought leaders, famous people,  and comedians.  My helpless parts like seeing other people fearlessly say angry things and be applauded for it.

However, I also have parts that seek empathy for all people and all parts of people.  They see how wounded Trump is feeling from the comedy skits and rebukes from others.  They imagine how I would feel if that happened to me, and are sad.  These parts cause me to turn off the comedy shows and think about writing something in his defense.  (However, those other scared parts definitely don’t want to defend Trump- I might get rejected by people on “my side”.  And the helpless parts will NOT defend him because...that’s crazy!).  

And also, there are parts that know about how to get one’s way.  It isn’t by making fun of powerful people and creating a standoff.  It is by finding commonalities if possible.  And by standing one’s ground firmly but fairly, if commonalities can’t be found.  
After listening to all these parts I looked inside for any wisdom I might find.  What would be the wisest way to make my parts and my Self happy?  And express something that would be helpful in this situation?

I realized that people have built up inner defenses for generations.  White slave owners found ways to not think of slaves as people.  Slaves found ways to not let their rebellious parts lash out and get them killed.  Rich people found ways not to see the worth of poor people.  Poor people found ways to live with their circumstances.  We all “find ways” to defend our beliefs and those of our family and culture.  

I studied Psychosynthesis, and they talked about the Will.  In Psychosynthesis this is the capacity that allows you to direct your consciousness toward whatever you choose.  “The will has a directive and regulatory function; it balances and constructively all the other activities and energies of the human being without repressing any of them.” (Assagioli, “The Act of Will”, 1973.)
 

I realized perhaps this could be a helpful concept.  I can find ways to understand and empathize other people (my heart), even those whose beliefs I don’t agree with.  But I can still use my Will to stand up for my own beliefs, acting on them when it appropriate, holding on to them always unless I, of my own conscious volition, change them.  
 

I think we’ve had enough of people tamping down their empathy, “finding ways” of not seeing others as worthy of  understanding and merit.  I want to understand all others, even those I’m scared of or angry at.
 

At the same time, I will join with others to defend the gains we’ve made in human rights and the environment.  Whenever possible I will work with both sides to make progress in these areas.  And when it isn’t possible I will treat all sides with dignity and respect.  I expect the same will be done for me, and if it’s not I will continue anyway.  
​

Soft hearted and strong willed- I seek to make a difference in the world by sticking to these principles.  I invite you to join me.  Together we CAN!  :)


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Healing Greedy Parts of Ourselves

11/20/2016

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A friend of mine has said that most of America’s ills are caused by greed- people wanting more and more wealth, not caring so much about others and how much they have.  As I have learned more about how our country functions, I have come to believe that he’s at least partially  right.  Greed is involved in many of the ills of our society.  From CEO's who are taking a lion's share of company wealth to rich people lobbying for tax relief, from companies moving their money out of the country to companies buying up water in parched land, we need to check what we're doing and why.  And stop doing it!
     Greed seems to me to have many psychological causes and nuances.  One person’s greedy feelings and needs are totally different from another’s.  I thought I’d try to identify some of the ones I’ve experienced and  seen, and ask others to post what they observe.  This post is entitled “greedy parts of ourselves” because that’s where we all need to start.  It’s about raising consciousness in our country.  When we change our own minds about things it starts the ball rolling.  
     For me, when I have wanted more money it was often about providing for my children.  I wanted them to have the best toys, books, lessons, housing, trips and education I could provide. I even owned a house with an in-ground pool (in Minnesota, no less!) so they would be happy.   I loved them so much I couldn’t imagine them not having what they needed or wanted.  I think many other people do this too.  Some of us have grown up feeling somewhat deprived and vowed not to do that to our children.  Others of us were given a lot as children and want to live up to that and more for our children.  In movies the father is always saying “I did it for you” when explaining his striving to make more and more money.  I believe this is one cause for seeming greediness- it isn’t for us, it’s for our kids.  
     Healing this pattern is difficult, because many of us get irrational around child-rearing issues.  One thing that has helped me was to do some deep breathing and ask myself if this was really about the child, or about my own childhood.  Those parts of me that were trying so hard to make my kids happy could then relax a bit, realizing it wasn’t as much of a life or death need and more of an “extra” that could be done without at that moment. Of course, this doesn’t apply to people who are just trying to give their children the basics of food, clothing and education.  Then it isn’t causing greed, it’s probably just causing despair and hopelessness.  
     Another pattern I’ve experienced and observed is trying to live up to what I see happening around me.  If other people have nice things, go on great vacations, or spend money on new gadgets then I sometimes want that also.  Human beings instinctively imitate others in order to learn, which advertisers take to the nth degree in the things they show us.  It has sometimes helped me and others to actually stop looking at those ads, and to consciously make decisions about where we want our money to go rather than being unconscious and mimicking others.
      We humans also tend to be competitive and to stretch ourselves in what we can do and attain.  So there is a tendency for people, especially those at the top end of scales, to try to get higher and higher.    This can also be reinforced by the amount of responsibility someone has.  If you get to the top of a corporation or company there is a tendency to compete in the income arena also- people think they work so hard, have so much pressure and responsibility that they are worth more to the company.  And they will go somewhere else if they don’t get that much money (even though they don’t really need more money to live on).  This viewpoint is very much reinforced by society, so it’s hard to contradict.  One way to do that might be for people to trade time for money- many working people say they would like more time off and be willing to take less money for it.  It also might be good to do internal work on the competitive and stressed inner parts that are driving this.  Finding out what they are trying to prove, what past shortcoming they might be trying to negate, and then healing those will help to lessen this inner competitiveness.  
      Last but not least is the impulse to achieve in the present to overcome shame from the past.  I know I have perfectionist parts that are still trying to prove my mom wrong- I’m not the lazy, incompetent person she sometimes told me I was.  We all have things in the past that we are trying to deny, forget, or disprove.  Gathering wealth is one way people do that.  The more the better.  Billionaire is better than millionaire.  The tallest building is better than being second.  If we just do this one more thing better, or more, or perfectly, then hopefully we’ll feel like we’re valuable and loved.  This, too, is something that can be worked with on the inside of ourselves.  If we heal those parts that are driving us,  we can finally relax and realize we’re good enough.  
     I don’t really know anyone who is super rich, but I can imagine that there is more of all of these things in that case- more trying to make children happy, more trying to live up to the things others have, more competition, and more temptation to make ourselves feel less ashamed through wealth and belongings.  My impression is that the competition, especially, kicks in at those levels.  Buying corporations and buildings can seem like a competitive game, and winning seems like a “high”.  Getting congress to write laws just for them is part of the game, and it’s easy not to think about who might get hurt if things go their way.   
​     I hope we can find ways to heal our greedy parts, and that this helps our society to become more equal and less frantic.  This is one of my many hopes for America.   It is important for the future of our country and our world.






 






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Empathy Circles, Empathy Blind Spots

11/18/2016

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America today is waking up to a myriad of different voices.  Some of the voices are quiet, peaceful and gentle.  Some of the voices are screechy,  violent, insulting, whiny, or preachy. There are many different kinds of tones, feelings, and points of view being voiced in many ways.  .  
     I’m trained to help people find and heal unhealed parts of themselves.  When people first start this work they can sometimes be inundated with parts of themselves that have been walled away- denied, ignored, smothered, in general not welcomed.  We learn to do this walling away from our parents and our society.  If our family or culture don’t/can’t accept anger, for instance, we smother our angry parts so we can fit in and be loved.  This can happen for any parts- weakness (don’t be such a pansy), aggressive parts (stop bullying your brother), sadness (big girls/boys don’t cry), rebellious parts (I don’t like that tone of voice).  We then exile these parts of ourselves until later in life, when they sometimes come out in crazy ways or sometimes we can heal them through therapy or emotional self-care.
     Just as we may suddenly we realize we’re not the person we thought we were because we have access to previously “unacceptable” parts of ourselves,in the same way America seems to be discovering new parts also.  We thought we had one personality, but it turns out there are many “Americas”.  We have always had these parts of our country, but now the internal pain has been turned up so much that the voices are coming out whether we want to pay attention or not.  When we start to feel that pain we need to witness it,  release it, and  then welcome in qualities that will help us in our freed-up lives.  The main requirement for witnessing this pain is empathy.
​      I’ve recently been hearing in news reports stories about “blind spots” in our national consciousness.  We all have these blind spots, and each of us has slightly different ones.  That’s because we all came from families and cultures that were “blind” to different things.  Some people’s stories  we are willing and able to hear. .  Other people’s stories we have no empathy for.  

     One of the needs I see in the world is to widen and deepen our empathy circles.  We may currently have empathy for people like ourselves, and then we may have added oppressed black people, or women, or gay people, or a different religion, or a different society/culture.  We may have a bit of empathy for rich, overworked people but not for people we see as bigoted or oppressors.  Each of us has a different story- our original family wounds, beliefs that were ingrained from our parents and teachers,  what we learned from our peers, things we have been required to do for our jobs.  Each of these influences causes deep psychological changes- we pay attention to some people, events, and feelings, and tune out others.  This is especially required in today’s busy, every-changing world.  We can’t pay attention to everything or we will go crazy!  
I’ve made a spreadsheet that might help us sort out our inner world.  What were our original wounds?  What did our family focus on or ignore?  What influence did our schools, churches, and first jobs have?  Where do we now have empathy circles and empathy blind spots?  How can we meet people in our blind spots, hear their stories, and expand our awareness so we see more of the world more clearly?
     I’ll share what I know about mine in the accompanying spreadsheet.  There will be a column for “blind spots I’m ready to heal”.  If people know of resources for hearing stories of those people (in writing, in podcasts, in  person, by internet) there will be a column to enter those also.   I don’t mean I want to hear their biases, I really want to hear the story BEHIND their current opinions.  How did they become the people they are today?  What wounds, teachings, beginning jobs, and life experiences caused them to be the way they are now?  Telling those stories is the best way to encourage empathy.  Recently there have been books, movies, radio shows blogs and podcasts which have shared more and more of people’s truths.  These are the resources I’m talking about. I welcome people to add to my resources.
     I welcome people to join the spreadsheet or create a copy for yourself to think about in privacy (the spreadsheet right now can be seen and edited by anyone with the link).   You can write in your own empathy story- how did you start?  What things have influenced your empathy circles?  Who are you willing to add to your circles now?  
     I obviously don’t know how to solve the whole problem of conflict in America.  I only know what seems true for me from my experience and training in emotional healing.  It seems to me we have been ignoring emotions for far too long, trying to be objective and rational in all things.  It is irrational to avoid them any longer- they are obviously the driving force in many things that are happening right now.  And building empathy seems to me to be necessary in order to communicate, cooperate, and get things done.  Together.
Empathy building spreadsheet 
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1NdzdINzRlkRtluRv-x9M5XK9pIVrZzMlw_C104UwClE/edit#gid=0

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Reflections on the Election

11/12/2016

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This morning I was again panicking about the election, specifically what I needed to do or say or write about it.  What can we do now?  I felt hopeless.  So I meditated and then wrote.  I’ve always liked the story about the blind men describing the elephant- they could only describe what they felt on their side.  So here’s what ideas came up for me.  I hope to add to the collective wisdom here.
     It seems to me that we are a wounded, delusional species.  From the first time a baby cried and wasn’t comforted, or a parent took out anger on a  child, or a parent taught their child to hate the neighboring village because they killed someone in their family, we have been wounded.  And we have learned from our parents what to do about that wound- be stronger and fight, please people so they won’t hurt us, gather riches and show how good and powerful we are.  We learn all this from our parents.  And recent research has shown that wounds are passed down to future generations, so they are in some ways in our DNA.
     There is also another aspect of our species- the inner wise Self.  As we heal those wounds we reconnect with our inner compassion, curiosity and calmness. I know there are many systems and ways to do inner healing so we can do this connecting.    The one I have experienced most is Inner Family Systems, but I believe there are others- bodywork, breathwork, others I don’t know about.  When this healing happens we can let go of our delusions, release the ways our parents taught us to think and behave.  We can begin to wake up.
     This election was a wake up call for me.  It made me face a lot of my delusions, such as that I live in a good (the best) country, that democracy will save us, and even that watching tv and eating a lot will drown my misery and guilt.  I realized that I, too, have bought into the middle class fantasy- take care of my family first, it’s ok to live in an expensive apartment even though there are homeless people in my city,  it’s ok to ignore injustice and intolerance as long as it doesn’t affect me and mine.
      As for what to do about all this woundedness/awakening/election of disaster stuff, what came to me is that there are a few components to waking ourselves and helping others.
  1. accept that it is a slow, painful process, and I need to feel my feelings.  When I notice a delusion (like living in relative wealth when others have so little) there is first fear- but I LIKE my lifestyle- I don’t want it to go away!  Then there is guilt- how could I have been so selfish?  A bunch of other feelings come up - sadness when I look around and really see what some people’s lives are like, anger that it hasn’t been fixed somehow, hopelessness that things have been this way forever and how can one person change them?  I’ve learned to allow and feel all the feelings.  It’s the feelings I won’t recognize that get stuck and put me back in denial (with my tv and ice cream).   
  2. Do emotional healing with the parts of me that hold old wounds about this.  I haven’t done this step yet, but I’m remembering my mother threatening to kick me out of the house into “the world out there”, talking about how difficult it is to make money and how horrible it would be to be poor.  I need to go through a process to release the burdens I took on in those situations and free myself up to feel more freedom, generosity and confidence.
  3. Once my inner parts feel safe, I can take inner and outer steps to undo any “wrongs” I have committed in the service of this delusion.  Inner steps include meditating for guidance, like I did this morning.  Outer steps include research and action.  I need to learn the real truth about people’s living conditions and find  ways I can be helpful with both money and time.  I haven’t done this research yet, but it might involve possibly moving to a cheaper place and donating part of the money I save, or else other things I could do like donating emotional healing services or volunteering somewhere.

What do I think about the election results now?  I think I need to remember these things:
-all people have  learned their beliefs and attitudes from their parents as well as the culture around them
-I still have faith in the innate goodness of people- ALL people
-the process that works best for me, so I know what steps to take next , involve wanting to wake from my delusions, inner meditation and reflection, and then research and action
-the way the country was operating was NOT as ok as it seemed
-I’m willing to share my process with others
-I have no idea what any other person should do.   I only know what works for me.

I hope we can all share what is helping us, because all of us need help now.  I’m sending this out in the hope that at least 1 person might benefit.

Sending love throughout the country and the world,
Karen Locke
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Breaking Up Without Breaking Down

3/28/2016

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Helping All Your Inner Parts Eases the Pain

About 2 months ago I had a breakup of a long relationship (14-20 years, depending on how you count).  I've had one other breakup in my life so I thought I knew what I was in for.  But it turns out that inner parts work greatly helped my ability to cope this time around.

The first thing I did differently was realize how shocked and sad I was.  Last time I went quickly into denial, not realizing how my inner parts were feeling.  This time I felt the physical sensations (like being hit in my solar plexus) and deep sadness and anger.  

The next change I saw was that over several days I realized and stated what I needed.  Last time I kept up a facade for quite a while, maintaining that I didn't really need any help or support.  I thought I could do it all myself (and I was very wrong).

Over the last two months I've had many different parts come up, but I have a strong center Self that can help each of them.  Parts of me have felt very sad,  deeply angry, and desperately scared.  But I have been able to help each of these parts as it came up, doing self-healing sessions as well as sessions with other people's assistance.  I haven't panicked about feeling panic!  I realize it is just a part of me, and the feeling is natural, and I can help the part.  I've had amazing healing experiences over the last 2 months, and I'm grateful to IFS for helping me gain the tools to do this work.

I've also allowed other parts to express- parts that are excited about having my own place, parts that want to date again, parts that love making fires in the fireplace or going to movies alone- just finding out what I REALLY enjoy again.  

If you or someone you know has gone through an experience like this, I hope you can listen to all the parts of yourself.  If you need help doing that, feel free to contact me.  You can help your parts heal and find joy again.  

Best wishes on your journey!
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December 24th, 2013

12/24/2013

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Winter holidays (Christmas, Hanukah, etc) bring up emotional challenges for many people.  We see all those happy pictures of families, but really, which of us came from a family that looked like that- especially around this time of year?  There's the stress of presents (especially if money is tight), visiting relatives we may or may not get along with, and living up to expectations (ours and others').  On top of that, we often have sad or even traumatic memories of holidays in our past. 

This year I'm trying to take some time each day to journal, and take my "emotional temperature".  One way I do this is  mentally   list any physical sensations I'm feeling (tight shoulders are my most common), and then notice what emotions might go with those sensations.  Right now I'm noticing sadness (my mom died 18 years ago today- some of my parts are very sad about that), nervousness (family celebration tomorrow- will I do ok?  Did I get enough presents?...), excitement (I do like having people over, having fun, chatting with people), and anxiety (hmm- how much should I reveal in a blog?).   

I'm also aiming at doing at least one emotional self-healing session each week for the next 2 weeks.  I use a hybrid method that I've developed from Inner Family Systems and my own self- studies.  That way if parts need healing there will be something to look forward to.

In addition,  I facilitate a call-in support group on Thursday nights.  This is also helpful for keeping centered (or remembering that I'm NOT centered). 

All in all, I'm getting more in touch with emotions and their healing every time I do this holiday thing.  And I need to remember:  

Progress- not Perfection!

 More info on the Thursday meetings on this  google doc: 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AsNsy8yBdKlUdEZ1QmNNZDVGcS15aTVFeGg3b09VZHc&usp=drive_web#gid=0



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Autumn's Emotional Challenges

10/20/2013

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Fall hits different people differently.  If you are a student (or a teacher) it can bring sadness at the end of summer freedom, but also excitement at starting a new year.  For parents it can sometimes mean freedom from scheduling for children, but also sadness at the end of "together" time.  In different places in the country or world it can mean falling leaves, monsoons or typhoons, or relief from the deadly heat of summer.

Noticing emotions is the first step in healing them.  Our American culture tends to brush emotions aside, relegating them to a disregarded junk pile.  "Stop crying", "calm down", and "don't count your chickens before they're hatched" are all meant to tamp down emotions that could prove difficult for the listener or the feeler. 

I encourage you to notice what you are feeling as you travel through your autumn days and nights.  What are you looking forward to?  What are you sad or frustrated about?  This is a good time to start keeping a journal, or talking to a close friend, or letting your emotions surface in other ways.

Dreams are one route into your unconscious.  Lately when I remember a dream I summarize it in a message on my smart phone and e-mail it to myself.  This helps my conscious mind know what is happening "underground", in my subconscious. 

More about journals and dreams in future blogs. 

Have an enjoyable,  feeling full autumn!
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    I  am an emotional healing coach, and also a certified  teacher.  In this blog I'll talk about emotional  challenges and how to survive them using Internal Family Systems concepts and skills..

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